So we thought I lost the baby yesterday. Or I thought I lost the baby yesterday. WARNING: Graphic Situation. I started spotting brown yesterday afternoon and feeling cramp so I called my doctor’s office. The medical assistant said it was probably nothing to worry about. Brown spotting is old blood and as long as it wasn’t bright red, it was probably nothing serious. She said they would fit me in if I felt I needed to come in but I told her I wouldn’t fret and would instead just monitor it.
I got off work at 5:15 pm and went to pee before the long drive home. When I wiped, the tissue was covered in dark red blood and I had dripped red into the toilet. I freaked. I had no idea this was happening and my underwear was stained through and my new slacks were spotted with dark blood. I had no tampons so I was glad it was the end of the day and I was the last one out of the office. I called Ben and he offered to come pick me up but I honestly just wanted to hide my stained butt in the car and get home as quickly as possible. I called my doctor’s office on the way home and they were closed but the answering service said it would page the doctor on duty that day and ask her to call me, which she did very quickly. I explained what happened and asked if I should try to go to an emergency room. I didn’t want to bleed out. She said in very rare cases women can hemorrhage from a miscarriage and that I should go to the ER if that happens. She said the ER would do an ultrasound if I wanted to go but she said it would be less expensive to come to their office and she would make it a priority to see that I could be fit into my regular doctor’s schedule. She said it was possible that I would pass some pregnancy tissue that night and I could try to save it and bring it in if that happened. Well, that freaked me out because I interpreted this to mean she thought I probably had miscarried. I cried off and on during the ride home, no radio on, just listening to my thoughts flit around my brain at a million miles per hour.
So the rest of the night I was conflicted. I think I was more stressed out about how I should feel rather than what was actually happening to me. Either way I figured I would be fine. I know that miscarriages are normal and there would be nothing I could do. I think I just wanted to know, either way, if I still had a baby. By the time I got home the bleeding had reverted back to a brown spotting. I was still slightly crampy but I felt pregnant, if that makes sense. It didn’t feel like anything was wrong. I actually slept better last night than I have in the two weeks since I found out we were expecting.
The next morning my doctor office called and scheduled a time for me to come in. Ben went with me in a separate car in case I decided to go to work after. I peed in a cup and sat in the exam room, a stained, royal purple cotton cover wrapped around my waist, the ultrasound machine and the fate that it held for my baby, directly in front of the exam chair. I love my doctor. She is to the point without being rude. It’s almost compassionate the way she is gently direct and informative. She warned us that I might be too early in the pregnancy for her to be able to see anything but as soon as she started, I could see it. A little blurb in a giant open dark area. The Little Peanut. It was blinking. The heartbeat. Like a little lighthouse beacon, signaling everything was okay. She was explaining what everything was on the screen and I was trying not to cry and barely failing because I think I expected the worst and could not believe I was seeing my baby’s heart beat.
So I have a slight subchorionic hematoma and that was probably the cause of the bleeding. The doctor said it will most likely resolve itself or it may present complications later. I’m not stressing about that now because that is the worst thing I could do. The Little Peanut’s story is not over. Not today.